TP Uzbek style

Normally, we describe toilet paper based upon qualities of double or single ply, quilted or not, perhaps even in terms of length or area or how many of one roll is equivalent to that of another roll. Now I’ve experienced some peculiar paper products through my travels–napkins in Eastern Europe that are the thickness of those face oil absorbing papers, writing paper that is more transparent than that of Aeropostale telegram paper–but now, here in Tashkent Uzbekistan I have experienced a new level. It is a toilet paper that can only be described as “intense”. It looks almost as if it could be a natural food product that cost $20 at Whole Foods. It is a toilet roll that if you squint your eyes, you can actually see leaves and twigs. It is so thick, not quite cardboard thick, but RIBBED (not for his or her pleasure, however) that it is awe inspiring. Welcome to Uzbekistan and enjoy your weapon of ass destruction!

Check me out yo! I tried to have a couple of girls kneel down at my feet but I didn’t bring enough cash.

So I’m jumping right into the middle of the journey. As you have now been prepped, I’m currently in Tashkent, capital city of Uzbekistan, and more or less the main country I wanted to come to Central Asia to visit. It is very Soviet, very Muslim, ancient and modern, full of mixed culture and ethnicity. It’s my third day here in Tashkent. People are friendly, the food is the same naan bread, shashlik kebabs that I have been eating for the past few weeks and frankly I don’t know where people get their vegetable nutrition beyond that of cucumbers, tomatoes,  peppers and cabbage.

I am very happy to be here because I was stuck in Almaty Kazakhstan for about 6 days. Almaty is the most modern, European, and cosmopolitain of the Central Asian major cities. Girls walk around in designer clothes and step into Porsche Cayenne’s and have an air of complete elitism that only exists where there is little middle class. It is the life of the jeunesse doree (aka fashionable and wealthy youth).

Almaty Kazakhstan beauties

The Jeunesse Doree

On Saturday, my first night in town I was picked up by a friend of a friend of a friend and taken to a converted theater named “cinema bar” that now hosts salsa and tango nights, with stadium seating illuminated by candles. We had a few beers and a few shots of vodka at about equal the price of a Los Angeles bar then later cut through Panfilov Park and headed to “Da Freak” ($20 cover), the local hard core Euro trash partier epicenter where “serious” electronic music is old school and trance-y type DJ’s come to spin. People from Russia and Europe come to DJ, the crowd is super fashionable and the girls make one’s jaw literally hit the floor. I know I have been known to talk about girls in the objective before, but holy s–t… I’m speechless. Russian, Ukrainian, Tatar, Checken Slavics, every shade of Eurasian and they are 90 percent completely fit. I am mightily impressed. At “Da Freak” the clothes are fitted and the eyes are shaded. I suspect major narcotics are consumed here.

All I can say is the elite of Almaty are pretentious, not that friendly and consider themselves the elite of Central Asia (and probably are with all that vast oil money) –big fish in a small pond syndrome. I spent an entire afternoon drinking beer at the campus of KIMEP, the “USC of Central Asia” if you will. It is an expensive private university with courses taught in English for the young elite who weren’t quite elite enough to buy their way into an American university.

Almaty will be the most expensive place I will be in my entire trip.

In Uzbekistan, the largest denomination of currency is 1000 tenge, which is worth only 60 cents! So you go walk around gangster style with huge stacks of bills in your bags.

Day three in Almaty I spent in consulate hell. First I go to the Kyrgyzstan embassy where after waiting for two hours I am told a double entry visa will be $120.00. I decide to check out the Uzbek embassy where I wait for 3 hours to be told that the regular $135 visa will cost $197 for express processing, which still takes 4 days and is not even guaranteed. The Uzbek visa is by far the hardest to acquire, needing letters of introduction from a travel agents which can cost up to $40 or $50 dollars so I go for the Uzbek visa instead of the Kyrgyz one. I get it on Thursday and book it straight out of Almaty on an overnight bus, where I get hassled by police for not having the proper stamps on my migration card but in the end, nothing happens and things go well.

Tashkent Uzbekistan subway. It’s actually super illegal to take pictures of it!

I found a nice place to stay in Tashkent. It is the hotel connected to the train station. The bathrooms are very clean, but I have to bribe the cleaning lady 60 cents to take a shower in the room that has the shower. Beyond the luxury expat spots, the budget acommodation scene is pretty dismal. So right now, I’m in the old part of town. It’s more Uzbek and Muslim here than where my hotel is which is grander and very Soviet. The apartment blocks have some sweet concrete facade work which i have been happily documenting with my little Lumix.

I went to the Kazakh “acadamy awards” and this was a pretty awesome Kazakh boy band

I get my Kyrgyz visa on Monday afternoon, which I plan on going after I have a lunch at the “Plov Centre” the national dish of rice cooked in lamb fat and some meat and eggs and peppers. It’s sort of like the world’s fattiest biryani. I think i’m going to head to samarqand and Bukhara on Tuesday or Wednesday, the ancient grand silk route cities. It’s gonna be awesome but also freaking hot.

Taking a bite with a friend

Need I say more?

I will then head back out to Tashkent and cut through Kyrgyzstan where I will visit the market at Osh and perhaps stay with some nomadic families in yurts near Lake Issyk Kul and horse back ride. Then I will emerge back into China over Tian Shan mountains into Kashgar, then attempt to meet my Dad somewhere in China likely in the south, where he is travelling with his buddies now.

One of the highlights of my trip was staying with a family in their yurt in near kochkor kyrgyzstan.

This is the lake setting.